SM 3rd Birthday Blog Train

Hey Everyone!!

First let me say Happy Birthday SM!! I have had the wonderful priviledge of being a part of the SM CT for a while...and I love it, I consider it part of my digital family.

I hope everyone has been enjoying all the wonderful freebies that the CT and designers have created for you all!!

You should have found your way here from Amy's Blog. If for some reason, you get lost along the way, or found your way here without following the train, you can start over at ScrapMatter's Blog.

Your next stop should be Trixie Scraps' Blog.

I have a few memorable birthdays that I want to share with you all. When I was growing up, my Grandma always made these amazing birthday cakes. I mean, these are ones that you would pay good money for at a bakery...but my favorites were always her Black Forest Cakes. I would look forward to my birthday every year just for her cakes. I have been priviledged enough to have been taught by my Grandma how to bake her special Black Forest Cakes, and it was my honour this year with my younger sister, Erika, to surprise her on her birthday (the first one that I have been here for in 15 years) with her own Black Forest Cake.

My family has a birthday season...it runs from the middle of April through the end of May. During that time we have 9 birthdays in just 5 weeks. I have totally missed out on our birthday season during the 15 years that I was living in the States, but now that I'm back home in Canada...this year I was in heaven. It gets a little hectic, planning that many birthdays, but I loved it. I made a LO of all the birthdays we celebrated this year...

The other birthday that I want to share with you is my last birthday, which I celebrated in May. This is the first one in 15 years that I have been able to celebrate with my immediate family, it really meant a lot to me to have everyone that loved me and that has helped me through some really tough personal times there with me this year. And just knowing that this is the first one of a lot to come makes it even better!! I love my family so much, and I'm so glad that I am home with them again!

So now on to what you have all been waiting for...my freebie!! I hope you enjoy these cluster frames that I have made for you all. Just click on the preview to download!!

***ETA: This download is no longer available. Please check out ScrapMatters for the add on to the Cupcakes & Candles kit for all the blog train freebies!!***

Enjoy the rest of the train, and have a wonderful time during this amazing week at ScrapMatters!!

Just wanted to quickly pop in here and mention a couple things that are going on at ScrapMatters.

First of all...I'm hosting a Speed Scrap...so if speed is your vice, check out the ad below.

And for playing along...you will get this fabulous Participation Prize!! Isn't is awesome?!

Also...ScrapMatters is turning 3 next week!!!!! So you have to make sure that you check it out...we will be having games, chats, speed scraps and sales all week long!! Make sure you're there for some fabulous fun and prizes!!

I Miss(ed) June...

This title has 2 meanings to me. First of all, June (the month) just seemed to fly by...and I will get to everything that me and the kiddos went through a bit later.

First I need to get to the next major tragedy that happened in our lives. My Mama (my mom's mother) passed away this June very quickly after a brief battle with cancer. On a side note, her name is also June...hence the second meaning to my blog title.

We found out just after Mother's Day that she had brain cancer, after going in to get more diagnostic testing, we found that she also had Stage 4 (the last stage) lung cancer. So my mom, Mama and Kong Kong (my mom's father) quickly flew down to Vancouver for almost 4 weeks to undergo radiation treatment. While they were down in Vancouver, the did some bone scans and found that she also had bone cancer in her back and hips.They flew home on a Tuesday afternoon, and early Thursday morning, just after I had helped her reposition in bed to be more comfortable, she stopped breathing and passed away. I performed CPR on her for 5 minutes before the paramedics came and worked on her for another 20 minutes. Just when they were going to call it in, they found a very tenous heart beat...but she didn't last the ride to the hospital.
I just happened so quickly...but in a way, I'm glad that it did. Although I am SO grateful that my kiddos and I were able to spend these last few months with her...she was not the Mama that I once knew. She has always been this fiesty, on the move woman...and these past months were so hard to watch as she deteriorated so quickly. I'm so glad that I was there for her in her last days and moments to help her be more comfortable, I just wish that I could have done more.

June Sek Kiam Tseng January 26, 1926- June 17, 2010
You will be dearly missed.

Everyone, except Darren and Auria (who are in China) came home for her services. We all had a great time reminiscing about Mama, we had amazing food and despite the sad occasion, we had a lot of laughs. I think that we, as a family, became stronger and closer that weekend.

As for the rest of June, the Pumpkin and Monkey finished their school year. And despite only being there for half the school year, Pumpkin won the Principle's Award for the Best All Around Grade 3 Student...isn't that awesome?!

She also participated in the Track & Field day at Massey Place Stadium (man, did being there for a track & field event ever bring back some memories for me!). Monkey was very proud of his big sister and how awesome she did.

The kiddos also finished off their soccer games for the summer, much to Sweet Pea's excitement (she enjoyed soccer about as much as she enjoyed it last year). But, unfortunately, they have 3-4 more games when they return for school.

So, I think that I'm ready to let everyone in on what's been happening in my life. I told you all earlier that my husband of almost 10 years decided that he needed time apart from us, and that I decided to move back to Canada because of it. I spent at least 2 months depressed...I wasn't able to do anything other than get the kids to school and pick them up. It was sometime around mid-March that I realized that I didn't want to wait around for him anymore, and that he wasn't the person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I thought about it long and hard, and I realized that there was no way that I could trust or love him wholeheartedly again, how was I ever going to trust that he wouldn't just up and walk away from us again when things got tough. And I decided to move forward, not on...I just needed to start living again. So it was tough, but I got out playing basketball again, and started going out with my sisters and hanging out with my friends. And I realized that life up in good ole Prince George was just as awesome as it always was...I just needed to change my mindset.

So I told Mike in April that I wanted a divorce. It hasn't happened yet, but at least it's been put out there...unfortunately, Mike has realized that he made a terrible mistake and is trying to fight for us. But it's way too little, way too late.

I have since met someone new and amazing and perfect for me. He makes me smile, helps me put things in perspective, worries about my well-being and how everything affects my family and most importantly makes my heart happy. From the beginning things between us have just been so natural and easy. Now don't get me wrong...things aren't perfect, and we are still figuring a lot of stuff out...but I can't wait to figure things out together, and I'm excited to have him in my life. So, to all my readers out there...here is the new man in my life...meet Rich.
So that's about it for June...I'll be back soon to update everyone on what's been going on in July with our family.

The Party Never Ends at SM!!

In case you guys didn't get enough of ScrapMatters this past iNSD...get ready for more excitement, challenges, prizes, chats and fun!!

It Just Keeps Getting Better

Because of continued issues with the ScrapMatter's site (it must be because their designers are SO AWESOME!!) they have decided to extend their iNSD sale through Thursday May 6th!! Take advantage of these awesome prices because after Thursday, they go back:(
Have a great week and Happy Scrapping!!

This Just In...

Due to some issues with the ScrapMatter's site over the weekend, they're extending our 40% off personal use, and 30% off Commerical Use sale through Monday, May 3rd.

And as planned, the sale will continue through the rest of the week at 30% Personal Use, 20% Commerical Use Tues thru Thur 5/4 - 5/6!

Take advantage of this extended sale to grab those goodies that you weren't able to grab this weekend!! Happy Scrapping!!

Happy {Inter} National Scrapbooking Day from ScrapMatters!!!

Hi all!!

Welcome to your next stop on the ScrapMatters [inter]National Scrapbooking Day blog train. This train has stops ALL OVER THE WORLD and is absolutely HUGE!!! You have probably just come from the Krista's blog. That's the stop before this one. And now you've arrived in beautiful Northern British Columbia!

Our NSD mega-collab at SM this weekend is called "Moments that Matter" and the whole theme of our celebration is all about those moments in our lives that really matter. At each stop you'll find a story about a Moment that Matters along with a freebie!! There are TONS of stops on this blog train, so you can pick up a LOT of goodies!!

So the 'moment that matters' I've chosen to share is with you. . . the birth of my first child!

My first pregnancy was a dream pregnancy. I was never sick, I barely gained any weight (I actually was able to wear my normal wardrobe throughout my entire prenancy!), and I didn't have any crazy cravings...I know...you all hate me! But really, I had a wonderful pregnancy.

So throughout my dream pregnancy my doctor never once had any worries with me or my child, medically. That is until a week and a half before it (and I say it, because we chose not to find out the gender) was born. At that time I went for one of my very last weekly checkups. My doctor was a little worried because I had a large weight fluctuation between the two weeks (I honestly thought that the doctor's scale was a little off the week before, but they didn't believe me). So it sent them in a little bit of a tizzy...and my doctor then decided to mention that he was a little worried that I wasn't very big. Not the coolest thing to say to someone who is 37 1/2 weeks pregnant. So anyway, he sent me off for an emergency ultrasound.

I spent 5 hours in that ultrasound office, with the nurses speaking in hushed tones...then sending me off for fetal stress tests, then bringing me back to recheck...and calling the doctor in and speaking in more hushed tones. What the doctor finally told me was that he was worried that he thought that one of my baby's arteries in the heart was closing prematurely....which meant that my baby could go in to heart failure. I needed to get that baby out as soon as possible. I asked the doctor if my baby would be okay once it was delivered and all he could tell me was "I can't say for sure." SERIOUSLY?! After a dream pregnancy...a week and a half left and this doctor tells me that my baby may go in to heart failure, so I need to be induced, and he isn't sure whether or not it will help?!

So needless to say, I start panicking and majorly stressing. Oh, and I forgot to mention that this was the day before Thanksgiving...and he wanted me to deliver in a bigger hospital that had a NICU, in case something did go wrong with my baby's heart. So that meant that my regular OB wouldn't be able to deliver me...new hospital, new doctor, emergency induction, possible heart failure...this was all wrong!!

Well, after a few hours of labour, one well placed epidural and hours of stressing...I had delivered a perfectly healthy baby girl...with absolutely NO heart problems!! It was the most amazing and stressful moment in my life...but I will never forget when they placed her in my arms and said that she was perfectly healthy.

Thanks for stopping by and sharing one of my moments that matter. Here is your freebie you've patiently waited for!! Click image to download...

This link will be active until midnight Thursday night 5/6. Then all these blog train goodies are getting gathered up and put into the store!

Your next stop is...

Amber L's (jeffsamber) blog.

Remember, if you ever get lost along the way, you can always start over at the ScrapMatter's Blog

Be sure to stop by ScrapMatters this weekend for amazing sales, challenges and chats. It's going to be amazing!! Just check out the ads below!!

And of top of all the amazing things going on for {i}NSD...we are also hosting the 3rd Annual Queen of Scrap challenge!! These participants are absolutely LO cranking machines!! Stop by the forums for more details...

A New Year...A New Beginning

Well, what can I say...so much has happened...changed, in my life in the last 2 months (has it really only been 2 months?!). I have a new home, a new country, a new climate, a new job (or at least I will once I get licensed)...a new family structure. Let's see...how do I really fill you, whoever you are, in on my life? My husband and I have been having a rough go of our relationship for the past 3-4 years. And I am not placing entire blame on him, but this is not where I wanted to be or how I wanted our relationship to be at this time...this was his choice, and I could do nothing more than to accept it and try to move on. On December 9th, my world was rocked, my safe little life was shaken to the core...and as I went about my life in the days following, I realized that it was not going to ever go back to the way it was before. That was the day that my husband of 9 years, my partner of 13, decided that he needed to "step away" from our life together, try to make sense of his life and then decide if he truly wanted to be a part of our family, in the sense that we need him to be, again. Now, I need to say that we both have not been happy together in a very long time. But we were finally in marriage counselling, he finally had the help he needed to become a more understanding, less angry, more loving person...and now...when we finally had these tools to work with...he decided to leave. I was so angry, hurt, confused...I didn't, and still don't quite understand how he could just decide to leave me...leave the kids. I have since tried to come to terms with his decision...he just wants us to be happy, and if that is apart...then it has to be apart, and only time will tell if it will be with us together in the end. In the end...I just want to be with him, I love him, I miss him...I just want to be with him. Of course I want us to be happy, but I truly think that we can work on that and come out together in the end...he just needs to be open to that possibility.

Needless to say the kiddos are having a rough time dealing with this. And I feel so bad for them, I want to take away their pain, make it all better for them. It kills me to see their tears, hear their cries of anguish, and answer their unending questions about why daddy can't live with them in Canada. But I've been told by our counsellor that I need to acknowledge their feelings. I can't just try to make everything better and take away their pain...they need to live through this and come out on the other end. Take for instance tonight, they really wanted to talk to dad...but it was too late and he wasn't available. So I had to acknowledge the fact that they were all really sad and missing their dad, then I reassured them that Dad will call as soon as he can and that he still loves them...they were heartbroken, falling asleep with tears in their eyes. It kills me...every time. Sweet Pea asked me today if we could pack up tonight and drive back to our "regular home" because she misses daddy. I tried to explain to her that we couldn't go back to that home, that daddy wasn't there, that other people were living there...but she just wanted to go back where she knew that dad was, or at least where he used to be. It is so hard to not try to make them feel better...I mean, that's what mom's do!! They take away their kid's pain...but in this case, I can't...and it is so very hard to see them hurting this much.

So here I am, living back at home with my parents ( I am SO thankful to have such a supporting family!). I can't even work as a PT because I'm not licensed in Canada - a process which could take up to 6-8 months. I feel like the biggest loser, the biggest idiot, the biggest leech...I can't even provide for my kiddos...but it can only get better right? Despite all of this, I am actually looking forward to "doing it on my own." For so long I have been so dependent on Mike, not because he asked or wanted me to be, but because it was just so much easier to ask him what he wanted or how he wanted it done, rather than dealing with his anger after the fact. I am looking forward to rediscovering how truly amazing I can be...I miss the person everyone knew as Natasha Johnson...what happened to her when I became Natasha Cruz? How did I let myself get so lost that I don't even know where to start to find her again? I am looking forward to having my own first place and decorating it the way that I want it decorated, to buying my own first vehicle, to knowing exactly what I have in the bank and not having to worry about whether or not my card will be accepted...to proving to myself that I am a damn good mom.

I have taken on a challenge from a post on Ali Edwards blog about your one special word for the year. To quote her:

"Essentially the idea is to choose a word (or let it choose you) that has the potential to make an impact on your life.
Maybe you want to invite something or maybe you are hoping to subtract something. Maybe your word will be practical or hopeful or creative or fanciful. Maybe you need a big word, something in-your-face that will challenge you everyday. Maybe you need something smaller and quieter that will whisper gentle tidings as you make your way throughout the year."

My word for 2010 is happiness

I am looking forward to a year filled with happiness...it is something that I have been dearly missing for quite a while. It is my goal this year to rediscover me...the real me...to find out what makes me truly happy...and then do it!! I have been putting my desires and goals and happiness on the back burner for too many years...I am too important to do that anymore. My kiddos, and me for that matter, need to see that being happy is a good thing, that doing things that make you happy is good for the soul...that no matter what happens after all of this drama plays out...that as long as I am happy, as long as we are happy...that it will be okay.

And so, with that...here is to a new beginning...one filled with love and support and most of all...happiness.