Too Good To Last

Well, you had to know that it would come to an end...but at least it hasn't been that long since I blogged last. Alright...let's get back to the 30 day thing...

Day 27 Pets

Well, right now we have 2 cats...Simba and Kiara. But we (meaning the kiddos and I) are all anxiously awaiting the time when we have our own place and can get a dog. I have been waiting forever to get a Bernese Mountain Dog. And I'm so jealous because my sister's boyfriend just got one...and he's SO cute...and just makes me that much more impatient!!

Isn't he just adorable?! Soon...one will be mine!! Muahahahahahaha!!!

Day 28 Something The Stresses Me Out

Well, I try not to let too much get to me...what's the point in being stressed out about every little thing? But one thing that does wear on me is clutter and mess...especially my kid's bedroom...man, that room just can't stay clean!! So yes...I have to admit, that my stress level does go up when it's messy...although, I have to say that my room was really messy when I was growing up...but I don't tell them that! ;)

Day 29 3 Wishes

Well...my first wish would be to finally be licensed as a PT here in Canada...really, I cannot wait for that to happen...everything else will just start falling in to place after that.
My second wish would be to have my kiddos happy.
My last wish would be for my happiness...in life, love...everything. I just want to be happy.

That's it...I'm simple like that...

Day 30 A Picture

Hmmm...don't really feel like posting another picture of me...so I'll just go with one that I've taken recently that I love.

In honour of my little sister and best friend's 28th birthday today...


Well...you now have 30 days (kinda) worth of blogging from me...let's see where this goes from here...

Tata, for now!!

3 in a row!!

Woah...I must be coming down with something...3 days in a row!! Oh wait...I am sick with a cold, maybe it's the fact that I'm sitting at home all day with nothing to do that is making me feel obligated to blog...

Whatever it is, here we go...

Day 21 A Picture of Myself

Well since I don't get many pictures taken of me...I had to go with this one, and crop a certain ex-boyfriend out...I think it turned out pretty good ;)


Day 22 What's In My Makeup Bag

Well, here's a picture of what's in my makeup bag at this moment...

...it almost always has my mineral powder foundation, bronzer, blush, eye shadow (both powder and wet), mascara, eye liner, eye lash curler, tweezers and always hair ties. I often have an extra set of earrings and maybe a bracelet thrown in there as well...depending on the night.

Day 23 Favourite Vacation

Seeing as I haven't really had too many chances to travel I'm going to give 2 answers here. My favourite vacation...to date would have to be my last trip down to Disneyland. The reason why I loved it so much was because it was totally impromptu...I'm talking, it kinda came up and 3 hours later I had bought the tickets, had our bags packed and was trying to get a little bit of sleep before heading down. Another reason it rocked was because the kids had NO idea where we were going...I was able to keep it a secret the whole way down!! And the last reason it was awesome was because we were able to spend 3 days in the happiest place on earth with Lynn, Ray and their kiddos...I think that was the best part...being able to spend it with family.

Now my favourite vacation of choice would be either a trip through Asia or somewhere tropical...like the Cayman Islands. I have always dreamed of taking a trip through Asia, and after my little brother and his girlfriend spent 6 months traveling through there...it just makes me want to go even more. And really, who wouldn't want to vacation in the Cayman Islands...it's just paradise.

Day 24 Something I've Learned

Haha...I would have to say that I have hit a milestone...in terms of relationships. I have learned that I don't have to settle...that I deserve to be happy and I deserve to be treated like gold. And what's more important is that I have learned that I am strong enough to stand up for it...and that is what's gold to me!!

Day 25 First 10 Songs on my iPod

1. Duffy - Stepping Stone
2. Jaheim - Til It Happens To You
3. Nelly - Nothing Without Her
4. Garth Brooks - In Another's Eyes
5. David Guetta - One Love
6. Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are
7. Jay Sean - 2012
8. Miguel - Sure Thing
9. Bob Marley - Could You Be Loved
10. John Mayer - Vultures

Lol...wow...could that playlist really be any more random?! Now you KNOW I didn't fake that!!

Day 26 Picture of My Family

As of right now...this is my little family...these guys mean the world to me...I would do anything for them...


It's always hard to get a picture of my whole family...there are just too many of us, and we're hardly all together at the same time...so here are a couple pics just to give you all an idea...

Here is one of most of the family, minus Darren and Auria, who were traveling through China at the time. Plus there are a couple extra friends in here...


And here is one of the 5 Johnson kids...this doesn't happen very often, where all of us are in the same place at the same time...so I love it when it does happen...I love my sisters and my brother...I would not be the woman that I am today, if not for them!!


Anyway, that's all the catching up for today!! Maybe, if you're lucky...I'll be back tomorrow again!!

Haha...2 Days in a Row!!

Wow...I think hell froze over, or pigs are flying...yes, I'm actually back 2 days in a row...
Ok...let's keep this catch up blogging on a roll...

Day 11 My Favourite TV Shows

Definitely my #1 right now is Glee...LOVE IT!!! I am totally a gleek, and proud of it!!


A close 2nd is Fringe...oooohhhh...the weird science...love it!!


But I also love watching Criminal Minds, Bones, NCIS, So You Think You Can Dance and the Sing Off.

Day 12 What I believe

Again, another loaded prompt...but after this past year...this is what I believe...

I believe that I have the right to be happy...this was a tough one for me...for a long time, I thought that it was my fault that my marriage fell apart...and I punished myself for it. But I eventually came to the realization that he was going to act the way that he acted, no matter what I did. And I have the right to be truly happy in my life, and more importantly, I don't have to settle for anything less.

Day 13 Goals

First and foremost...it is my goal to be licensed as a physiotherapist in Canada...and believe me, I'm doing all that I can...it's been almost a year, waiting on the Canadian PT Board to verify everything. BLAH!!!

After I get licensed, I think all my other goals will start falling in to place...getting my own place, buying a new car, traveling...so I'm gonna leave it at getting licensed as a PT.

Day 14 A Picture I Love

I have so many pictures that I love...but right now, this is one of my favourites...



Day 15 A Favourite Quote

I am a quote collecting fiend...seriously, I have quotes that I wrote down when I was in high school
One of my favourites at that time was one that my provincial team coach gave to me...

"Always shoot for the moon, cause if you miss and land amongst the stars...that's still not a bad place to be."

I also love this quote from the movie Broken Arrow...lol...it's so cute...

"I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave."

Day 16 Dream House

Hmmm...I would have to say that my dream house would be on acreage, I love having land...I grew up on a lot with acreage, and being in a house with neighbours that are so close makes me feel almost claustrophobic. I need that acreage because I plan on having horses and dogs. I also would love to have a wrap around porch with a porch swing...I love the thought of going out to my porch swing as the sun is setting, a drink in my hand and watching the kids play in the yard. It would have to have at least 4 rooms (one for each of my kids and me) and a finished basement where the kids can go and hang out.

I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of anything right now...

Day 17 Something I'm Looking Forward To

Despite the obvious of being licensed as a PT in Canada...I'm totally looking forward to the summer...seriously, I'm getting tired of winter...I love it, but I'm done with it as of now. I'm looking forward to day trips to the lake and river, running through the sprinkler, living in bikinis and shorts, camping with friends and family, tubing...I just want it to be sunny and warm!!

Day 18 Something I Regret

Wow...I would have to say that the thing that I regret the most is not telling certain people how I truly feel about them...at the time that I felt it. I have decided that it is in my best interest to let people know how I truly feel...because I know for sure that I will regret it later if I don't let them know.

Day 19 Something I Miss

I was spoiled when I lived in Marina, CA...I totally miss being able to jump in my car and end up at this beach in 5 minutes...


But more than the beach...I totally miss my family from down south...Lynn and Ray and the kiddos over in Arizona, Jay and Jen and little miss Z (who I still haven't met!!), Gail and Brian and their kiddos, Arlene and Nick and their 2 munchkins...I miss you guys so much!!

Day 20 Nicknames

Well, I have the typical run of the mill nicknames with friends and acquaintances...Tash, Tasha, Natty, Nat...but the one that I go by with my family and close loved ones is Ting. And that comes from my Chinese middle name that my grandfather chose for me...Guy Ting...all my siblings have a Chinese middle name picked by my grandfather, and in fact...all our kiddos have Chinese middle names as well...kind of a tradition. But for some unknown reason, I'm the only one who goes by their middle name in our family.

Anyway...I think I did a pretty awesome job with this catch up...so I'm gonna leave it there for now.

Who knows...maybe hell will freeze over again tomorrow!! ;)

Catching Up...

Well, I'll just keep going with the blogging challenge...even though I have clearly not kept up with the 30 days in a row...in fact, I'm pretty sure the 30 days is over and I've only blogged about 4 days...what can I say...

Here's my excuses...I've been sick with a chest cold for almost 2 weeks...not so horrible that I couldn't function, but horrible enough that it really takes something out of me at the end of the day. Actually, it has totally caused my asthma to act up...so I've felt very short of breath for the better part of the last week and a bit...not a fun feeling :P

And...my fantastic new boyfriend and I have broken up...guess he wasn't so fantastic and perfect for me after all...man, am I ever glad I didn't blog very much about him yet...lol. It actually wasn't that bad...I mean, he started questioning his feelings about me and whether or not he was ready for a relationship so soon...but he also started talking to another girl...so it just had to end. And as soon as I realized that I deserved better and that I didn't have to tolerate less...it was easy to end it. So I'm doing good, and I think that this was a turning point for me, in terms of knowing what I want and what I won't tolerate in relationships.

Ok...so here's some catch up days...

Day 5 Favourite Recipes

Well, I have to say that right now, my favourite recipes are for Laksa and a Shrimp Pesto Pizza.
I don't really have true recipes...because we just kinda figure them out as we go along...so I'm sorry to disappoint those who got really excited about these dishes.

Erika and I have made Laksa a few times now, and I have to say that I LOVE it...it's a Malasian curry soup, and it is heaven in a bowl...really, it is. All I know is that we use Tikka Masala, coconut milk, Tamarind soup base, fish sauce, prawns, baby corn, pineapple, red peppers, bean sprouts, water chestnuts, boiled eggs, rice noodles and cilantro.
We make a soup base out of the Tikka Masala, coconut milk and fish sauce...and it really is to taste for us.
In another pot we make the tamarind soup base then we add it to the Tikka Masala. Once that is boiling, we add all the vegetables and simmer until they are tender. Then in go the prawns and pineapple. Then we just add it over the rice noodles, and top it with bean sprouts, cilantro and sliced boiled eggs.
I know...not the greatest recipe...but yummy!! If you really want me to figure out how we really make it, feel free to email me at bcnatty22@hotmail.com


And my other recipe is for Shrimp Pesto Pizza...and literally I just take cooked shrimp, chopped fresh tomatoes, feta cheese and mix it with a greek salad dressing, salt and pepper. Spread pesto sauce over your pizza bread (I use pita bread), then take your shrimp mix and spread it on top of the pesto...and put it in the oven to cook...literally...that easy...but SOOOOO delicious!!!


Day 6 A picture of something that makes me happy...

It would definitely have to be my kiddos...just beings kiddos, and enjoying themselves...they crack me up, make me crazy, keep me sane, and fill my life with joy...I love them

Day 7 Favourite Movies

I actually just answered this for someone today...so I don't have to do as much thinking about it. As I told him...I have many different favourite movies, depending on the genre...
For suspense movies I love Shawkshank Redemption, The Usual Suspects, Taken, Signs
For romantic comedies I love 50 First Dates, Never Been Kissed, A Walk To Remember, Princess Bride
For romance I love Pride & Prejudice, Shakespeare In Love
For comedy I love Tommy Boy, Due Date, Old School
For action I love martial arts movies, especially ones like Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Hero, House of Flying Daggers
and I love musicals...Moulin Rouge (awesome!!) and Burlesque...I just love the singing and dancing...

Day 8 A Place I've Traveled To

Well, I actually haven't had the opportunity to travel too much...oh, the places that I want to go...someday...

I have been able to travel to Hawaii a few times (since the conference that I played basketball in had the University of Hawaii in it) and I was able to take a trip to the Philippines while I was still with my ex-husband. I'll have to scan some pictures in and post them...I loved going to Hawaii...it was so beautiful, but I had the best time with my teammates. The last year that we were there our whole team rented mopeds and went all over the island...SO much fun!!

Day 9 A Picture of my Friends

Here is "The wolf pack"...as we are referred to in our hometown...lol


Actually, all these fabulous girls are my little sister, Erika's, friends...but seeing as she is my best friend, I have become really good friends with these girls as well. They are amazing...beautiful, strong, independent women...and they have helped me to realize that I am as well, and that I don't have to settle...in the words of Tammy..."it'll be your turn when you finally decide you're worth your own weight in gold and then disallow anyone to treat you otherwise"...I love them for that.

Day 10 Something that I'm afraid of...

Wow...what a loaded prompt...there are a lot of things that I'm afraid of...nothing really tangible though.

I am afraid of not finding someone that will love me for who I am...I have found that I really don't like to be alone, and not because I don't like being by myself...but I really love spending those everyday moments with someone I love.

I am afraid that I'm not going to be able to give my kiddos everything that they need...being a single parent is hard, and I still have so much help from my parents since my licensing hasn't come through yet...I'm afraid that once I am out on my own, that I won't be able to provide for them the way that I want to.

Ok...that's all the catch up I'm doing today...I've got to get to bed and try to get rid of this cold...

Until next time...peace!!

I Suck at this Blogging Thing...

LOL...I just realized today that I have missed the last 4 days of my 30 day blog challenge...and that was only after the first day!! You see? I told you that I suck at this blogging thing...

Well, here's my attempt to catch up...but I have to warn you that I'm probably going to be catching up throughout this whole 30 day thing.

Just a note...I'm writing this up on a computer, other than my own...so I don't have any pictures here, so when I get a chance (hopefully tomorrow...when I'm writing up the next part of the challenge) I will post pictures.

Day 2 - The meaning behind my blog

Pieces of Me...well, it doesn't really take a whole lot of explanation...this blog is where I can keep track of the pieces that make up my life, that make up who I am. It's a place where I can ramble about nothing, show off what I've accomplished and at the end of it all, have something written down about who and what I was.

Day 3 - My first love

Well, I would have to say that my first love was Chris Foucher...we dated on and off for about 3 years in high school. And I have to admit, that if I had stayed in town after high school, I probably would have ended up with him. He was just one of those people who I could relate to. We always had a really easy relationship, it was always so easy to talk to him...actually, it still is. He is one of those guys that I don't have to see or talk to for months, and we can pick up right where we left off. We figured out a little too late, what exactly we meant to each other, and by that time, our lives had taken such different paths...but he still is, and will always be a good friend.


Day 4 - My parents

Well, what can a girl say about her parents...when I was growing up, my mom was the enforcer...she was the lawmaker...and I, along with all my friends and boyfriends were scared to death of her. On top of that, she was, and still is a teacher...so she knew all my teachers - yeah, there was no way that I ever skipped a class in high school!! I wasn't really close with her, being scared to death of someone kinda puts a damper on being able to confide in her. I do remember very clearly the day that we actually became closer. It was after my first year of college and I was lying in my bed and she was trying to talk with me...something that was very new to me, so I was kinda blowing her off...well, she actually started crying and told me how upset she was that we weren't close enough for me to tell her what was going on in my life...and from that point on...I've been able to confide in her. My relationship with her has changed so much...and I realize that she loves me...unconditionally. And that no matter what happens.. .she has got my back...and that's all I can ask for.

My dad, on the other hand...he was kind of the pushover...if there was ever something that I wanted, I made sure that I asked my dad...because at least with him, I knew that there may be a chance that he would say yes. He was the one who introduced me to basketball and coached me for the first few years of my basketball career. He was actually gone for most of my high school years (he was transferred 8 hours away), but he came home every other weekend...and the night before he left, he always came down to sit beside my bed and catch up with my life. He was actually down there for my last college basketball game...and I remember how proud he looked when they were listing all my accomplishments. I was so happy that I could make him feel that way...it is something that I will never forget. And despite the fact that he is 65, we still play basketball together...it's awesome!!

Okay, that's all that I'm going to catch up on now...the next day is about recipes...and I have to give a little bit more thought that I can give at midnight. Now I'm not going to keep any promises...except the promise to catch up when I've finally realized that it's been days since I blogged!! LOL!!

On another note...I feel like bragging for a bit...my women's basketball team just won the league championship last week. And I have to say that I played pretty fan-frickin-tastic!! I was unstoppable...really, I hit 8 three's, I posted up, I was hitting pull-up jumpers...I had 43 points...the most that I've ever had in a game. It was just one of those games where everything was going in, I didn't even realize how much I had scored...anyway...just wanted to brag for a bit.

Take care, I'll be in...when I'm in ;)

Day 1 - Introduce, Recent Picture, 15 Interesting Facts

Well, I have to admit...my blog is severely neglected...and I have resolved to fix this!! I am a little late in joining the crowd over at ScrapMatters...but I figure that I don't really have anything to lose. Heather (Haynay) has started this blogging challenge (actually, it started about a month ago) and I figured that I'd just jump in now...if nothing else, at least my blog will be updated more often!!

So here goes:

I'm Natasha Cruz...soon to be Johnson again...long story, that you can read earlier in my blog. I am a mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, lover, scrapper, baller and physio. I am a Canadian, through and through...and although I'm tired of winter as of this moment...I have to say that I love being back home!! That's all I'm going to say in my introduction...otherwise, I might not have any interesting facts to add later...

I took this picture of myself about 2 weeks ago...this is often the only way that I actually have proof that I do exist, as I'm usually the picture taker...

Now 15 interesting facts...hmmm...well, at least I think that they're kind of interesting...

1. I am the second child of a family of 5...there are 4 girls and then my little brother (often called the forgotten brother in our posts...sorry Darren, we really don't forget you!!). And I have to say that my family is really close, I mean, we love getting together as often as we can...and I know for a fact that any one of my siblings has my back whenever I need it...for whatever...and they know that I would be there for them in a heartbeat if they ever needed me.

2. I am a single mom of 3...I separated from my husband of 10 years about a year ago (hence the last name going back to Johnson). At that time I didn't think that I would be able to make it...but that close family that I talked about before? They were there to pick me up...literally...3 weeks after we decided to split, my older sister, her husband and my brother drove from Vancouver to Monterey, California...helped me pack up my house and brought me back home.

3. After 15 years of living in sunny, warm California...I moved back home to Northern British Columbia with my 3 kiddos. People call me crazy...but I call this home. As I said before, I am a Canadian, through and through...I have ALWAYS wanted to move back here...just didn't have the opportunity until recently. And although I do have to wear a parka, winter boots, mitts, scarves and toques for half of the year...there is NO WAY that I would ever consider moving back down to California...you can keep your year round sunshine and +40 degree weather...I'll take the snow and cold if it means that I get to be with my family again :)

4. I got a full-ride basketball scholarship to play down in San Jose State University, NCAA Div 1. That's how this girl from small town PG ended up in the big Silicon Valley. My team didn't do very well, but I rocked it...when I left school, I was 7th on the all time scoring list...and I believe that I am still in the top ten for most of the scoring records...plus I got a free education...really, how can you top that?!

5. After 5 years and 3 kiddos...I decided to go back to school to get my Masters of Physical Therapy. Yup, that's right...I had 3 kids all under the age of 5 when I went back to that crazy program called Physical Therapy...and I mean CRAZY!!! Plus, my husband at the time was working and living 3 hours away...so he was only there during the weekends. So I was a single mom of 3, going through PT school...and I am proud to say that I rocked it again!!! I'm talking a 3.96 GPA...yeah, I'm pretty proud of myself for that.

6. I'm in love...again...I know, I'm a sucker for love!! For those of you who know me, or follow this blog...you know that after I split with my husband, I had a BF last year...and that he dumped me on New Years - yeah...he was a real winner. Well, one thing that I didn't do was sit around and mope and wait for him to come back (at least not for long). Erika and Rachel (my 2 younger sisters) made sure of that...they absolutely would not even let me think of getting back together with my ex...plus I had the wolf pack to help carry me through...LOL!!! And it didn't take long to find someone new...and can I say that he is FABULOUS!!! I'll have to introduce him later on...keep you coming back for more...LOL!!

7. I love sports...basketball mostly...but I will watch any sporting event...and I have to admit, that I'm pretty knowledgeable about most sports. Funny story...one of the first times that I stayed over at my new BF's place was during NFL playoffs. Well, we were snoozing and all of a sudden I sat straight up in bed, asked what time it was and then loudly stated that I had to leave because I had to go watch a football game. My new guy was like "What?! You're leaving to go watch football?!" And we ended up spending the day snuggling on the couch, watching playoff games...I think that I had him hooked from that point ;)

8. I still play basketball...and what's even better is that I get to play with my 2 sisters that live in PG with me. I have to admit, that our team rocks...because us Johnson girls are pretty damn awesome...and we're competitive...we will do anything it takes to win. We are actually trying to put together a team of all the Johnson girls to go over to Torino, Italy to play in the World Master Games in 2013...I think that would just be awesome...playing against teams from around the world with my sisters...I can't wait!!!

9. I love March!!! And it truly is only because of March Madness...I'm talking the single best sporting event to watch of the year!! Forget the NFL, NBA, NHL...NCAA March Madness is where my heart truly lies!!! It is true madness and I love it...so many upsets, so many incredible games, so much blood, guts and most of all...heart being left on the hardwood...it truly is a magical time for me...Duke all the way baby!!!

10. I am a Disney lover...I will go and watch any Disney cartoon that is made...even if I didn't have kids, I would totally be there!!! If I could, I would be at Disneyland every single year...and make no mistake about it...that is on my list of 50 things that I'm going to do. I get giddy when I know that a new cartoon is coming out...I hide it from my kids...but I'm just as excited to go as they are.

11. I love to scrapbook...as most of you probably know already. I've always loved taking pictures, and when I looked back at my pictures I could tell stories about what we were doing, where we were, and why it was important to me to take that picture. When I found scrapbooking...it was just a perfect match for me. What better way is there to record all those memories and pictures...and to make it so beautiful...I love it. I'm so excited to be able to keep all these little tidbits about my kiddos lives as they are growing up, I can't wait for them to look back at my pages when they are grown and remember...that's why I really do it.

12. I am a classically trained pianist...although I haven't played competitively in years and years and years. My piano teacher forced me to choose between piano and basketball when I was in grade 9...and I chose basketball without even stopping to think. I do miss playing piano though, and I find myself tickling the ivories every now and then. I would like to get back to playing more often, I'm actually really glad that I do know how to play. I have to admit...I was a really good pianist...I mean good to the point that I would win all my competition categories...and that other people would drop out if they saw my name in the same competition as them.

13. My best friend is my little sister, Erika...has been since 2000. We decided that we would be best friends when my family was all sitting around one day a couple weeks before I got married. Rachel informed us that none of us was going to be her maid of honour because her best friend would be...and Erika and I looked at each other and said...I don't even have a best friend to do that...and right then and there, we decided that we would be each other's best friend. I love her to pieces...she is the most beautiful, funny, loving girl in the world...I'm so lucky to not only call her my best friend, but my sister.

14. I'm a licensed PT in California...yup...not a lot of good that does me when I'm living in Canada!! Currently I have been waiting for almost 11 months to hear back from the PT Board of Canada about when I can take my licensing exam up here...I cannot wait to be able to actually work here!!!

15. I can honestly say that I am at a point in my life where I am truly happy. I am surrounded by people who love and support me, I am soon going to be able to work as a PT, I'm playing basketball with my sisters, I have my kiddos with me, I'm in love with an absolutely fantastic man...life is great for me right now. I look at myself and am starting to see the beautiful, happy, confident woman that I used to be...I've been looking for her for a long time...and it feels awesome!!!

Well, that's it for the first post...hopefully I'll be back for the next 30 days... ;) We'll see how that works out!!

A New Year...A New Beginning

Well, what can I say...so much has happened...changed, in my life in the last 2 months (has it really only been 2 months?!). I have a new home, a new country, a new climate, a new job (or at least I will once I get licensed)...a new family structure. Let's see...how do I really fill you, whoever you are, in on my life? My husband and I have been having a rough go of our relationship for the past 3-4 years. And I am not placing entire blame on him, but this is not where I wanted to be or how I wanted our relationship to be at this time...this was his choice, and I could do nothing more than to accept it and try to move on. On December 9th, my world was rocked, my safe little life was shaken to the core...and as I went about my life in the days following, I realized that it was not going to ever go back to the way it was before. That was the day that my husband of 9 years, my partner of 13, decided that he needed to "step away" from our life together, try to make sense of his life and then decide if he truly wanted to be a part of our family, in the sense that we need him to be, again. Now, I need to say that we both have not been happy together in a very long time. But we were finally in marriage counselling, he finally had the help he needed to become a more understanding, less angry, more loving person...and now...when we finally had these tools to work with...he decided to leave. I was so angry, hurt, confused...I didn't, and still don't quite understand how he could just decide to leave me...leave the kids. I have since tried to come to terms with his decision...he just wants us to be happy, and if that is apart...then it has to be apart, and only time will tell if it will be with us together in the end. In the end...I just want to be with him, I love him, I miss him...I just want to be with him. Of course I want us to be happy, but I truly think that we can work on that and come out together in the end...he just needs to be open to that possibility.

Needless to say the kiddos are having a rough time dealing with this. And I feel so bad for them, I want to take away their pain, make it all better for them. It kills me to see their tears, hear their cries of anguish, and answer their unending questions about why daddy can't live with them in Canada. But I've been told by our counsellor that I need to acknowledge their feelings. I can't just try to make everything better and take away their pain...they need to live through this and come out on the other end. Take for instance tonight, they really wanted to talk to dad...but it was too late and he wasn't available. So I had to acknowledge the fact that they were all really sad and missing their dad, then I reassured them that Dad will call as soon as he can and that he still loves them...they were heartbroken, falling asleep with tears in their eyes. It kills me...every time. Sweet Pea asked me today if we could pack up tonight and drive back to our "regular home" because she misses daddy. I tried to explain to her that we couldn't go back to that home, that daddy wasn't there, that other people were living there...but she just wanted to go back where she knew that dad was, or at least where he used to be. It is so hard to not try to make them feel better...I mean, that's what mom's do!! They take away their kid's pain...but in this case, I can't...and it is so very hard to see them hurting this much.

So here I am, living back at home with my parents ( I am SO thankful to have such a supporting family!). I can't even work as a PT because I'm not licensed in Canada - a process which could take up to 6-8 months. I feel like the biggest loser, the biggest idiot, the biggest leech...I can't even provide for my kiddos...but it can only get better right? Despite all of this, I am actually looking forward to "doing it on my own." For so long I have been so dependent on Mike, not because he asked or wanted me to be, but because it was just so much easier to ask him what he wanted or how he wanted it done, rather than dealing with his anger after the fact. I am looking forward to rediscovering how truly amazing I can be...I miss the person everyone knew as Natasha Johnson...what happened to her when I became Natasha Cruz? How did I let myself get so lost that I don't even know where to start to find her again? I am looking forward to having my own first place and decorating it the way that I want it decorated, to buying my own first vehicle, to knowing exactly what I have in the bank and not having to worry about whether or not my card will be accepted...to proving to myself that I am a damn good mom.

I have taken on a challenge from a post on Ali Edwards blog about your one special word for the year. To quote her:

"Essentially the idea is to choose a word (or let it choose you) that has the potential to make an impact on your life.
Maybe you want to invite something or maybe you are hoping to subtract something. Maybe your word will be practical or hopeful or creative or fanciful. Maybe you need a big word, something in-your-face that will challenge you everyday. Maybe you need something smaller and quieter that will whisper gentle tidings as you make your way throughout the year."

My word for 2010 is happiness

I am looking forward to a year filled with happiness...it is something that I have been dearly missing for quite a while. It is my goal this year to rediscover me...the real me...to find out what makes me truly happy...and then do it!! I have been putting my desires and goals and happiness on the back burner for too many years...I am too important to do that anymore. My kiddos, and me for that matter, need to see that being happy is a good thing, that doing things that make you happy is good for the soul...that no matter what happens after all of this drama plays out...that as long as I am happy, as long as we are happy...that it will be okay.

And so, with that...here is to a new beginning...one filled with love and support and most of all...happiness.

Terrible at this!

Okay, so I'm not as good at this as I had hoped I would be...but who am I trying to kid, I work full-time, then rush home to take care of my kids, cook, clean (which often gets pushed to the side), wash the kiddos and get them in bed. And by the time that's all done, I just want to sit and relax/regroup before going to bed. So, here's to trying to keep this blog updated a little better...keep your fingers crossed for me!!

So, I had a pretty good Mother's Day. The best present that I got? Well, all 8 handmade cards were very sweet, and the pictures were beautiful...but Monkey's "borrowed" roses were the best. While I was taking a shower at my MIL's house, he apparently, climbed the fence and picked off the biggest and most beautiful roses for me. Yeah, my MIL's garden is looking a little barren, but it put the biggest smile on my face. Unfortunately, the roses wouldn't last the trip home, so they had to be left at MIL's house for her to enjoy a little longer. Here's a picture of them...love the yellow one!! I'm a sucker for yellow roses.




On another note...I passed my licensing exam!!! Yes, you are looking at the newest PT on the block!! Let's just say that I'm so totally excited, mostly because I don't have to take that exam again! But also because this is just the biggest turning point for me, I've been working towards this for almost 16 years...and it is SO sweet to finally be here!
So, hopefully it won't take me 2 weeks to update this again...until next time!

Might as Well

Well, it seems like everyone else is doing it...so why not me? Yes, it's true, I probably would jump off a bridge if all my friends did it. Actually, I'm just reflecting on my upcoming 30th birthday next month, and I realized that I haven't told my story. I mean, "I" know my story, at least I remember the big important parts...but it's the little daily things that seem to slip away. And those are the things that I most desperately want to remember...the way my oldest daughter, Pumpkin loves to sing, and truly does make every song her own...the way my son, Monkey, is this sweet little soul wrapped up in a non-stop ball of energy, the way my youngest daughter, Sweet Pea, crawls in to my bed every night around 3:00am with a smile, a hug and a kiss, how excited I get when I hear Mike's keys in the door after he's been away for a couple days, and just about every other little detail of my day to day life that otherwise I would forget by the time I turn 31. My DH, Mike, keeps telling me that I need to write things down because I have a terrible memory...so here I am!! And there's also this standing argument between Mike and I about things that were done or said between us...so now I'll have written proof!! :)

So, what is it today that I want to remember? Well, I just finished taking the biggest, most important exams of my life!! I graduated with a Master's of Physical Therapy in January...which only means that I finished all the academic requirements. Unfortunately, I can't actually work as a PT until I pass the National Board Licensing Exam...and yes...it is as terrible as it sounds!! I'm talking a 5 hour multiple choice exam on everything that you've learned over 2 1/2 years in school...and to top it off, another 1 hour long MC exam on the laws and regulations of CA. It was nervewracking and LONG!!! I was totally freaking out the day before because I felt like I didn't remember anything...and now, I have to wait...yes, there is no automatic gratification or depression...you have to wait for the results. Hopefully it'll only take a week or so, but still, I was really looking forward to just knowing one way or the other. So, until next week I'll be this nervous, anxious wreck of a mother/wife. So keep your fingers crossed!

Just yesterday Sweet Pea said the sweetest thing to me!! I just have to share it with everyone!!

Sweet Pea: Mommy...are you my mommy?

Me: Yes.

Sweet Pea: Ummm...am me your sweet pea?

Isn't that just the cutest little thing? She just melts my heart!! Anyway, enough rambling for my first post...I've probably bored everyone to the point where they don't ever want to come back! I have to say before I sign off today, for people who don't know me too well...I am a scrapbooker at heart. I love taking pictures and I love the little stories of our day to day life, so it was just natural that I would love scrapbooking. I am fortunate to be a part of several creative teams and I have to mention them here:

TaylorMade Designs

Leiko Beck Designs

Fei-fei's Stuff by Sharon Bobis

So without further ado...I'll post a few scrapbook LO's that I've done recently.

This is one that I had to do about a daily ritual that Sweet Pea used to do with me....unfortunately, it doesn't happen that often anymore...which is why I'm SO glad that I was able to scrap it and remember it forever!!

Here are the credits for this LO:

Papers & Word Art- Paislee Press (oscraps) Happy As a Lark

Alpha - Zoe Pearn (scrapartist) Fuzzy Knitted Alpha

Frames - Katie Pertiet (designerdigitals)

Brush - Obsidian Dawn

Font - Century Gothic

This second one is of a series of snapshots...that I took (sidenote: the majority of the picture that include me are taken by me...yes I've become a pro at holding the camera out in front of me with my hand contorted just to say that "Yes! I really was here!!". Anyway, it's a series of pictures of how Sweet Pea gives me "Eskimo Kisses".

Here are the credits for this LO:

Papers - TaylorMade Designs & Paislee Press (oscraps) B-Side Collab Kit (recoloured)

Brush & Fabric Template - Leiko Beck Designs (leikobeckdesigns.blogspot.com)

Tag - Katie Pertiet (designerdigitals) Tailed Frames (altered)

Design Inspiration from Kellie Mize's (designerdigitals) Tortuga Template #85

And lastly, a LO of Monkey. I just love this picture of him...his sweet little smile, the tilt of his head...this is so him!! I LOVE how this turned out. If you like it too...and would like to get the same effect, check out the credits for how to!!

Here are the credits for this LO:

Paper - Touch Of Grey Paper Pack - Slate

Word Art Overlay - Fading Emotions Vol2 - Spirit

Heart Brush - From The Heart Brush

All from TaylorMade Designs available at Oscraps!!

Like the look of this picture? Visit TaylorMade Designs Blog for step-by-step instructions on how to achieve it!!http://www.taylormadedigidesigns.blogspot.com/

Journaling Word Art - I am so motivated by your spirit.

So, that's it for now...until next time!!